Oh, Mother....

My mother says the funniest things, sometimes. Or rather, she means to say something else, and says another, which comes out in such a way that I am falling out of my chair with laughter.

For instance: Mom is watching TV, and the heroine is getting a verbal ass-whooping from the she-villain, who has, I admit, pretty interesting eyebrows. As I pass by, I comment, "Poor girl." Mom says blithely, "Oh, don't worry, nobody with eyebrows like that ever gets their way in the end." What does this mean?
Another instance: Mom is (again) watching TV, and Pamela Anderson is jiggling her breasts at the screen while a hapless swimmer is screaming as a shark devours him. "How horrifying!" I say. "Well, it's entertainment," Mom says. I run off, completely terrified by the idea that my mother is a closet sadist.

And now, I am reading Harry Potter "Luke, I am your father" knockoffs and amusing myself with skanky bathing apparel on Gaia. Oh, and drinking (decaf, to my dismay) coffee.

Yus.